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Jan. 10th, 2010 @ 01:51 am it's not finished but.....writers block >.

Just like the raindrops

Falling down my window

You never stop until

You hit the floor

And broken now

You’re struggling

To get back up

But the world’s too much

 

And with the weight of the world

Your knees are shaking just standing alone

You can’t imagine walking now

With each breath it gets harder to breathe

About this Entry
kitty
Jan. 3rd, 2010 @ 09:15 am in my hands is only
Current Mood: try and guess it
there's a pop
and you're in
as everything inside begins to pour out
what's this?
this feeling?
i wonder what it's like to sleep forever

as life
pours out
sometimes you gotta wonder if it's now or never
to try
and hold on
but then you realize that it's far too late now

regrets weigh heavy on my mind
and everything that's left on the inside
i reach out just to see the light
and see in my hand is only a knife
i wonder who i wanted to be
there's nothing left that i can see
everything around me is closing in
all the lights are growing dim

like a flash
and it's gone
a feeling is a moment is a memory and
it's all
for one thing
do you cherish it forever or throw it all away

it's just
out of reach
so you scream and you shout and you burn it all down
down
to the ground
if you can't have it then nobody else can either

regrets weigh heavy on my mind
and everything that's left on the inside
i reach out just to see the light
and see in my hand is only a knife
i wonder who i wanted to be
there's nothing left that i can see
everything around me is closing in
all the lights are growing dim

and if this water turns to wine
what will it taste like?
and if these feelings inside of me
turn out not to be?
i guess it doesn't matter now
for as long as i wake up even with this knife in my hands
you'll be happy then

there's a pop
and you're in
as everything inside begins to pour out
what's this?
this feeling?
i wonder what it's like to sleep forever...
About this Entry
kitty
Jan. 2nd, 2010 @ 08:57 pm more songs
The Only Thing She Truely Longed For

I fell in love with a girl

But I only knew her name

I tried to enter her world

But she just pushed me away

 

And the tears she cried at night

Continued to go unheard

She was drowning in her pain

Isn’t it absurd

That through all the tears and all the sadness

Through all the anger and the rage

The only thing that she truly longed for

Was someone to hold her

 

There was something about the way she walked

That just drove me insane

There was something about the way she talked

I wanted her to stay

 

Her sad sorry smile

Broke so many hearts

But mine’s been broken before

All that’s left is parts

 

So she can’t break me

If I’m already broken

Maybe we could fix each other

Or maybe I was just hoping

 

I thought if she gave me a chance

I could show her she’s not alone

Love is anything but instant

Slowly you keep moving on

 

And the tears she cried at night

Continued to go unheard

She was drowning in her pain

Isn’t it absurd

That through all the tears and all the sadness

Through all the anger and the rage

The only thing that she truly longed for

Was someone to hold her

 

Sometimes in the dead of the night

I can still hear her breathe

And so I close my eyes tight

Begging not to see

 

Because when she noticed me at last

It didn’t matter that I was poor

And she decided at that moment

That I was worth dying for

 

Then I wake from a dream

And realize that it was me

I was the one who died

And she is still alive

Searching for her king

She had no need for a queen

 

Time Is Not Reality

Have you ever seen the sun rise on yesterday?

Tomorrow never comes, and today never came

Did the light shine on the path behind you?

So that you can’t see where you’re going?

 

But don’t look back, cause you won’t like what you see

It will crush all your hopes

And destroy all your dreams

 

Yesterday was but a moment ago

Life flashing before your eyes

Tomorrow has never existed

As time passes by

You’re stuck living in the past

Look what you’ve done

Look what you’ve done

 

Have you ever seen a fire that doesn’t burn?

Impossible you thought, but it’s everywhere you turn

Did it roll across the ground creating life?

Blocking your way home?

 

But don’t look back, cause you won’t like what you see

It will crush all your hopes

And destroy all your dreams

 

Yesterday was but a moment ago

Life flashing before your eyes

Tomorrow has never existed

As time passes by

You’re stuck living in the past

Look what you’ve done

Look what you’ve done



Pure
(this isn't a song just something i wrote a couple years ago)

Trapped

Caged like a lion and pacing back and forth

I’ve lost my freedom and my means of escape

And so the pain just sits there, waiting

No way to get out, no way to release it

Because everyone’s watching, waiting to see

Waiting to see if I’ll do it, if I’ll mess up again

And it leaves me with no place to escape to

Everyone fighting for my attention

When all I want is to hide away

Away from the eyes that are always on me

Staring

Watching me like a hawk watches its prey

And if I go more than one minute without paying attention

SNAP!

I get attacked

I can’t go anywhere to hide, the eyes follow me

I can’t do anything to escape

Not even sleep enables me to evade the eyes

They watch over me all night

As if - if they looked away, I would suddenly be gone

And it makes me think

Maybe it would be better

To let everything out at once, and be done with it

Rather than be forced to keep it in

Everyone says it’s not good to keep it bottled in

But then they don’t give me a way to let it out

They don’t let me get it out

Hypocrites

If they want me to live, they should let me live

Not enclosed like some kind of zoo animal

That people can come and see when they want

With a big sign that says “suicidal tendencies”

And leave me to be stared at by doctors and observed by nurses

Like I’m some kind of guinea pig

In a zoo

Like I’m some kind of rare species

That’s never been researched before

And they’re not quite sure what to make of it

So they stare at me all day and all night

And in my enclosure I have no places to hide

No where to slink beneath submissively

Is this how my life is going to be forever?

Will I always be trapped?

Or will I someday be set free…free to release what’s inside

Because it’s eating me up

And it really doesn’t matter

Someday I’ll be gone, no matter what they do

And it’s up to them when that time will be

Sooner

Later

It doesn’t make a difference to me

Because if I go, I won’t feel anymore

And I won’t have to care

About this Entry
kitty
Jan. 2nd, 2010 @ 08:56 pm Couple of songs

Just Leave It

The river flows
And twists and curves around the city
Where the lonely lights
Glisten on the ripplin’ water
And the echoes
Of the empty hearts pass me by
And I
And I

And I feel that I should tell you
The truth about me
But at the same time
I’m scared to be let down and turned away
Should I tell you?
Give an ultimatum;
To take me as I am or just leave it?

The rushing wind
Blows invisibly between the streets
Making itself
Known to all who dare to step outside
And the screams
Of the broken voices reach my ears
And I
And I

And I feel that I should tell you
The truth about me
But at the same time
I’m scared to be let down and turned away
Should I tell you?
Give an ultimatum;
To take me as I am or just leave it?

But what if you say
That you don’t want me
What do I do
With my broken heart?
And what if you say
That I am no longer yours?
What do I do
With my broken mind?
And what if you say
That you’re fine with it
What do I do
With my broken life?
What do I do….? What do I do?

And I feel that I should tell you
The truth about me
But at the same time
I’m scared to be let down and turned away
Should I tell you?
Give an ultimatum;
To take me as I am or just leave it?

And I feel that I should tell you
The truth about me
But at the same time
I’m scared to be let down and turned away
Should I tell you?
Give an ultimatum;
To take me as I am or just leave it?

Just leave it
Just leave it
Either take me as I am or just leave it




All Dreams Are, Are Memories

The sun can't always last forever
sooner or later it has to fall
casting us into a world of darkness
stuck in a state of mindless wandering

I want to live in a world of pure black
not that there's such a thing as a black that's pure
but when you're surrounded by nothing but darkness
you're filled with such a calming feeling

So when the world comes crashing down
you won't feel a thing, you can die peacefully
And the world becomes just like the wind
you can feel it, but you can't see it
Because what you can't see can't hurt you
it's as harmless as a breeze, blowing through the trees

I'm locked in a room filled with shadows
a place where the lights will never burn out
The lights hit my eyes and I can feel them burning
I'm begging for someone to end my pain

Call me a fake or call me a liar
I believe some people are better off dead
'Cause in my sleep I see the world burning
everything's ashes in the end

So when the world comes crashing down
you won't feel a thing, you can die peacefully
And the world becomes just like the wind
you can feel it, but you can't see it
Because what you can't see can't hurt you
it's as harmless as a breeze, blowing through the trees

I'm drowning in these nightmares that flood my dreams
They all haunt me in my sleep
This dark rain falls and I'm trying to hold on
I'm writing you these words so that what I've seen doesn't come to you in your sleep

'Cause everything that I never had
is everything that you deserve
Rainbows and birds that sing you lullabies

Let me lie still in my dark world
so that you can have the world of light
From afar I'll protect you every day and night

Please don't cry, don't shed your tears
it's not your fault that I'm not here
When you're sad, just think of me
and maybe I can make you happy
I'll always be here in your dreams
and all dreams are, are memories

am I a happy memory?

So when the world comes crashing down
you won't feel a thing, you can die peacefully
And the world becomes just like the wind
you can feel it, but you can't see it
Because what you can't see can't hurt you
it's as harmless as a breeze, blowing through the trees

About this Entry
kitty
Nov. 25th, 2009 @ 05:19 pm soooooooooo
before i go shower to hopefully clear my sinuses some (i caught a cold at aac) just thought i'd let y'all know a few things

wedding: sept 5th or 6th, 2010 somewhere in mass
maid of honor: Eileen
best man: John Prussel
bridesmaids: Steph, Jackie, Jessie, Marie (Jen if she behaves)
groomsmen: Tony, Nick, Bones, Andrew (John if he behaves)
flowergirl: Julia


and that's all we have so far. i think we'll let the best man carry the ring cause we don't have any nephews the right age.

so yeah....shower time! yaaaaaaay
About this Entry
kitty
Nov. 22nd, 2009 @ 09:05 pm Song D: This Is Me
Lying on the grass in the middle of the night
It’s cold and dark outside
And it always seems to match the feelings I have inside
My heart is tuned to the emptiness
This circle of black that seems to surround me…constantly

Sometimes you see it
And sometimes you don’t
But always it’s there eating away inside of me
There are days
When I’m not sure that I can make it
And you get mad at me for saying these things
But this is me

Lying in bed next to you
Lost inside my head
Trying to find that passion that I used to have
In the end it always seems
That everything precious to me…..always leaves

Sometimes you see it
And sometimes you don’t
But always it’s there eating away inside of me
There are days
When I’m not sure that I can make it
And you get mad at me for saying these things
But this is me

And I can’t help it
There are days I feel that magic is flowing from my fingertips
And there are days I feel that my soul is absorbing everything happy inside
And there are days that waking up is the hardest thing to do…
But still I have to…because I know
That there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will be the same
Everyday’s a gamble
You never know what side you’re gonna wake up on
Sometimes you’ll wake up and roll over and go back to sleep
But other days you’ll jump right up ready to take on anything in the world
And you do…..because you know
That there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will be the same

Sometimes you see it
And sometimes you don’t
But always it’s there eating away inside of me
There are days
When I’m not sure that I can make it
And you get mad at me for saying these things
But this is me
This is me
But this is….me
About this Entry
kitty
Sep. 18th, 2009 @ 02:41 pm bravo! kyo-ya! mon ami!
XD mah new kitteh is so cute and fluffeh. and a little shit head but i still love him. i look like i ran into a pricker bush :D but besides his belly bein a little swollen from a couple worms (which will pass) he is 100% amazingly awesomeness absotively posolutely cuteness incarnate


smg.photobucket.com/albums/v344/ferretofdoom/Kyoya/

tamaki is a daddy's boy..but kyoya....nooooo...he shall be a mommy's boy <.<

About this Entry
kitty
Aug. 28th, 2009 @ 02:23 pm nom nom nom
brocolli cheddar bread bowl while getting ready to play WoW and continue my efforts of getting my money and items that got ganked back.


on another note we're getting a little black fluffy kitten. his name is kyoya and he's soooooooo cute >0<
About this Entry
kitty
Aug. 23rd, 2009 @ 03:35 am moving...
so pathfinder and i are moving back to maryland (for a while with my mom and probably eventually our own place but for now just with my mom in the basement). everytime i visit places are hiring, and i'm sure i can get hired by Luv My Pet again (manager loved me XD) 

mom said if we both have jobs we can get a puppy ^.^ idk what to get tho O_o.......so many choices! but it's gotta be small/medium....so the golden retriever i want will have to wait.....sigh. chihuahuas have bad biting habits with vets <.< so i don't really want one.....idk we'll probably go visit the shelter and see what they have. or petfinder.com....*shrug*

and i'm gonna probably have to do a semester at pgcc before i can apply to umd cp just so i can have recent grades for them to look at. once i get in tho...free college ftw.

yes i'm sad that we're leaving our friends up here...but in the long run it'll be easier i think. our financial problems will lighten (especially if i get a job too) and i've really missed my family a lot lately. plus free school <.< what can be better than that? i think they might even have a tech program at umd...idk i'll have to look

anyways....just thought i'd update you all....we'll probably be moving in about 5 weeks ish....parents have to get the basement ready and all and we have to finish clearing things up here. we'll probably get a storage room for a month to start packing and emptying the room <.< so much stuff in here.

ok....back to watching path play harvest moon :3
About this Entry
kitty
Jul. 23rd, 2009 @ 01:57 pm what i have so far.....
Current Mood: creative

To stand at the edge of the world

And look back without regrets

The kind of life I wanted before setting out

On a brand new road of tests

 

But if you can’t have one thing

And you can’t have the next

Then what are you supposed to hold onto

When you have nothing left?

 

And when the heavens open up

And the rain starts to fall

I know I can smile once more

Knowing you’ll be there

Standing right by me

And when the sun goes beyond the horizon

And the moon rises up

I know I can sleep soundly tonight

Knowing you’ll be there

Holding me tight

 

To reach out to the brink

And stare into the endless space

While wrapped in warm thoughts of home

Forget the faults of human race

 

If they only look at the bad

And never look at the grace

Then how can they stand to stay standing there

Looking at the reflection of their face

 

And when the heavens open up

And the rain starts to fall

I know I can smile once more

Knowing you’ll be there

Standing right by me

And when the sun goes beyond the horizon

And the moon rises up

I know I can sleep soundly tonight

Knowing you’ll be there

Holding me tight

 

About this Entry
kitty
Jul. 23rd, 2009 @ 10:45 am blarrgh
i......caught the con flues......icky.

yay for waking up every morning to hack up like a pound of mucus out of my chest. i'll be surprised if i still have my voice by the end of this. but as it is my head hurts, my throat hurts, my ears hurt, and my chest hurts. damn con flu

on a bright note. hanging out with eileen and robbie on sunday yaaaaay wow party!

now.....to eat one of those cinnamon buns i bought yesterday....
About this Entry
kitty
Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 07:54 pm laaaaaaa
Current Location: panera south nash
Current Mood: ARGH!
Current Music: the blenders and people talking
i'm procrastinating.....procraaaastinatiiiing.....as interesting as biology is i'm procrastinating cause i can't find the damn answers and i'm sick of looking <.<


honestly...WHO CARES what type of skeleton helps an earthworm to move? seriously......WHO? and i don't know what structure develops into a pollen grain! nor do i know what a nematocyst is or what it's function is!

and i really...don't give a damn about the function of the water vascular system in echinoderms....i don't think i can even pronounce that! ...ok i can but still.....stop with the big words biology book! you're hurting my head!

so yeah....fuck biology...fuck it in the ass.....except that i can't cause half of biology doesn't HAVE an ass cause they're fricking plants and bactera and viruses and...and...and....amoebas! fuck amoebas! they can go 'GLORP' around something else and leave my brain alone!
About this Entry
kitty
Jun. 26th, 2009 @ 02:25 am <.
there's too many sites i belong to to remember to post everywhere! *sighs* so yeah...atm looking into rooming with a friend....in mass...need to get out of this house cause it's like a fucking SAUNA with two fans going. part of me regrets putting in that insulation now.....but it helped during the winter at least <.<

aaaaand my foot is going numb T_T damn


bed time zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
About this Entry
kitty
Dec. 2nd, 2008 @ 12:12 pm ~Still Breathing~
Current Mood: artistic
Can you hear me here?
Cause I don't think I can hear you where you are now
Are you the whisper in the wind?
Are you the rolling thunder?

As I stand here alone
I like to think
I can feel you
But the truth is I'm not sure
I can feel anymore at all now
Won't you give me a sign
Touch my face
So I know, that I'm still breathing

It's a glistening sunrise
And it touches my body oh so softly
Just like you used to do
Maybe the dark would give me some solace tonight

As I stand here alone
I like to think
I can feel you
But the truth is I'm not sure
I can feel anymore at all now
Won't you give me a sign
Touch my face
So I know, that I'm still breathing

Why can't you still be here?
You should be holding me close
Telling me it's all just a dream and it's almost over
Tell me why aren't you here?
Don't you care?
Tell god that I need you here with me

And as I'm falling apart....
I hear....you whisper
Calling my name.
And I know...that you're with me
Saying goodnight
Well my love I'll see you shortly
(wait for me.....don't let me wake up from this dream)

And as I stand here alone
I like to think
I can feel you
But the truth is I'm not sure
I can feel anymore at all now
Won't you give me a sign
Touch my face
So I know, that I'm still breathing
About this Entry
kitty
Nov. 30th, 2008 @ 09:20 pm little icon thingys


found them on an ebay page selling some one piece stuff. thought they were cute so i was like "GANK"....ace's shoulder looks funny tho
About this Entry
kitty
Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 09:40 am wooohoooo
i'm glad obama won..........now maybe i can actually get some rights!
About this Entry
kitty
Oct. 30th, 2008 @ 07:24 pm argh
so work has to fail epically...and has me working 10am-7pm tomorrow...and 2:30pm-11pm saturday....whyyyy? that leaves like...no time for teh tonytony ace ;.; oh well...guess it'll mostly be tonytony and path



*bawls eyes out*
About this Entry
on a leash
Oct. 23rd, 2008 @ 02:47 pm our kitty....
Current Mood: artistic
is now on lolcats

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2373853

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2373836

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2373806

yay for boredom!
About this Entry
kitty
Oct. 21st, 2008 @ 07:23 pm bye bye birdie......
Current Mood: unable to think
so chris' (path's....josh's....whoever you know him as) dad just called.....alicia went up to say bye to the animals in our room and came running down screaming......

hunny died (the one with the missing foot and the other foot gimpy)



life just really hates me right now i guess hahaha.
About this Entry
kitty
Oct. 21st, 2008 @ 11:22 am blaaaarrgh
puke-age=suckage

tho on wow it looks kinda funny lol green liquid spurting 5 feet in the air away from your char.....lol

aac was ok minus working almost the whole time....mets cool people like [info]venomized  :D yay tony tony ace. it is no longer tony tony chopper....it is tony tony ace lol

path decided that he could no longer be friends with sarah ([info]pmastamonkmonk ) because she is stuck up, won't accept any help even if she needs it and we were just gonna like...help at table stuff and shit, stabs people in the back if shit doesn't benefit her, and does not know any restraint around people and throws insults left and right not caring who she might hurt...even friends. so screw her, we don't need her. and if CoTU ever drops her she better not even TRY  to come crawling back to us cause she will get a boot up in her eye. he's done with her bs....i've BEEN done with her bs, and we ain't gonna deal with it no more.

other than that some friends and us are pulling together a chrono cross group ^_^ yay i'm gonna be doc! lol

HEALS FTW!!!

About this Entry
kitty